Last One About Screening
Our community has been hit, again, and it always lands in the same place: screening.
From your side, I get it. You are trying to figure out if I’m real, if my digital security is trash, if I’m reckless with data, if I’m manipulative, if I’m law enforcement, or if I’m just sloppy and desperate. From my side, I’m trying to figure out if you’re safe, sane, respectful, and capable of hearing the word “no” without turning it into a negotiation.
That tension is not new. It just got sharper after the big site takedowns and the very public reminders that databases can get seized, leaked, or passed around like gossip. When clients believe their legal names could end up in the wrong hands, a lot of them start trying to buy anonymity with vagueness. I understand the instinct. I’m still going to screen you.
Here’s my deal, stated plainly.
I do not charge for meet and greets.
I do not accept money in lieu of verification.
I do not “hold” dates for someone who won’t provide the information I need to feel safe.
Not because I’m power tripping. Because “trust me” is not a safety plan.
Clients tend to want maximum privacy. Providers tend to want maximum certainty. Those two desires collide in one very specific moment: when a stranger wants access to a woman’s body and her private space. You are not just booking time. You are asking someone to take you at your word, let you close distance, and assume you will behave like a decent human being when there is no audience and no consequences.
Most people are decent. The ones who aren’t are why screening exists.
And this is the part a lot of clients never fully sit with: when a provider gets harmed, the aftermath is usually a joke. Reporting can mean inviting humiliation, skepticism, and public exposure. It can mean being forced to replay the assault while someone tries to turn her job into the problem,. It’s a system that protects predators by making the cost of accountability too high for the person who got hurt.
So yes, I advocate for decriminalization. Not because I’m romantic about the industry, but because a world where providers can require real identification, enforce boundaries, and pursue accountability without risking their lives and reputations is objectively safer. Right now, too many “consequences” amount to a community warning about an email address and a username. That is not accountability. That is a sticky note on a fire exit.
This is also why I won’t take money as a substitute for screening. Paying me does not prove you are safe. Paying me does not prove you won’t violate consent. Money is not a background check. And while I’m here, neither is Facetime.
If screening frustrates you, I’m not here to shame you. I’m asking you to zoom out. The worst realistic outcome for many clients is embarrassment, inconvenience, maybe money lost. The worst outcome for a provider is violence and/or death.
So yes: please be careful. Be skeptical. Ask questions. Protect yourself.
And then allow me the same.
If you can do that, we’ll get along just fine. If you can’t, there are plenty of providers who run different policies.
